jez

pretentious X: christianity
pretentious X: what exactly do you not understand?
she eats a knife: well, i don't want to offend you or anything but, i don't understand how someone can believe in god..
pretentious X: thats perfectly normal
pretentious X: faith by definition if beleiving without seeing
she eats a knife: and i have a friend, that doesn't even let himself have a life besides church and god-related things, i don't know i just find it.. weird i guess
she eats a knife: he quit a band he was in and broke up with his girlfriend and stop hanging out with his friends so he could "become closer to god"
she eats a knife: and we argue about it all the time and the only thing he can explain to me is that i "need to have faith"
pretentious X: its kinda like.... well i have never seen a million dollars all at once, but i know it exists... because i've seen evidence of it in small proportions, for christians the bible is all the evidence they need. when they go to church and pray and they can feel the holy spirit in the room... it makes it hard for them to be able to not beleive in him.
she eats a knife: so, you believe in not sinning to go to heaven and all of that?
pretentious X: that is a common mistake that many non-christians assume about the religion
pretentious X: christians do not beleive that not sinning will get you into heaven
pretentious X: heaven is a perfect place, and you have to be perfect in order to give in. well everyone sins, christians and non-christians sin. so technincally none of us deserve to be in heaven. but when god gave jesus... it was like a govenor pardoning soemone for murder, we are still guilty of sinning, but if we accept jesus then we are allowed to enter heaven as a gift from god
pretentious X: get in*
she eats a knife: oh.. yeah i see
she eats a knife: so i guess all the christians that i know that sin and stuff will go to heaven if they accept jesus? that they are not hypocrits?
pretentious X: if they are christians then they have accepted jesus, but just because someone calls themself a christians does not mean that they really are. and in reality everyone is a hypocrite. all of us sometimes contradict ourselves, its normal for humans to do that... if we didnt stray from the beaten path then we woul never learn anything
she eats a knife: yeah that is true..
she eats a knife: i just know some people that i believe label themselves as christians to use to their advantage but they don't really i guess live the life of a christian and i don't think they are true christians.. like almost.. disrespectful to the few people around here that i think actually take it seriously
she eats a knife: like use it to their advantage it i guess.. brag about it and make themselves look better but they don't really live up to the responsibilities of being a christian
she eats a knife: i don't know how to explain it, im kind of bad with words..
she eats a knife: i don't know, i guess i just have to be in the enviroment to "feel the holy spirit" but i don't really understand what that would feel like
she eats a knife: but i guess it's probably hard to explain
pretentious X: thats completely understandable, unfortunately the best way to deal with that is by understanding that everyone walks at their own pace with god, if they call themselves christian then i'm happy that they atleast know what a christian is, i cant judge someone just because they are as close to god as i would like them to be
she eats a knife: hm.. yeah
pretentious X: the holy spirit is... well you know how if you met a super hot boy that would never ever speak to you, imagine if he just came up to you and hugged you... the butterflies you would get..... now multiply that times infinite and send it through your whole body... and at the same time add stability and control, instead of feeling aimless and confused with a smile, you actually see everything clearly and you're in control with god's help
she eats a knife: really? so you've gotten that feeling?
pretentious X: yes
she eats a knife: so does being close to god and accepting jesus help you through everyday life?
pretentious X: most definetely, its like an unquestionable second concious
pretentious X: you learn that everything is either wrong or right, black and white, and that there is no gray
she eats a knife: i want that feeling but i almost don't feel like i deserve it or something
she eats a knife: just because i always question the existence of god
she eats a knife: and that i don't really agree with what a lot of people i know do/say because of "what god wants"
she eats a knife: and i dont understand how they know what god wants. is it in the bible or something
she eats a knife: ?
pretentious X: it is in the bible, everything anyone has ever known about god has come from the bible, and its perfectly understandbale for a non-christian to disagree with a christian. because everything that comes out of a christians moputh has the influence of god in it, so its not going to totally make sense to another human. something else you must understand is that none of us "deserve" to know him, the only reason some of us do is because he loves us. god loves all of us, weather we beleive in him or not.
she eats a knife: wow..
she eats a knife: well thanks for talking about this with me, i've got to go for now but, im pretty sure i will come up with more questions because i think a lot.. haha.. goodbye
pretentious X: bye

christina deleted me from her friends list.

so i'm using this as a reply to her post.



as if i'm going to shut my mouth for you or anyone else....
i'd rather die representing what i beleive rather than keep my mouth shut simply because what i have to say doesnt sit right with the world.
fuck...
if anything all of you should be loving me for this shit... according to you i'm being "hardcore" about the situation, so why the fuck arent all of you praising me? because its not about standing up for what you beleive for you guys... its more like "keep your mouth shut and know your role" as if anyone can tell me what my role is besides me.
and i honestly was not mad about anything until i read this post...
your inability to comprehend common fucking sense irritates the fuck out of me... why is everyone acting like drones?
following the fucking leader...
think for yourself.... if anyone is being fucking "hardcore" right now its me. and i dont even stand for this shit. how fucking ironic.

this was a myspace mail convorsation....
from braxley's boyfriend....



Date: May 24, 2004 10:52 AM
Subject: jez
Body: we've never been formally introduced, but you know who i am and i know who you are.
i'm not interested in having any sort of argument or exchange of ideas with you because it's a complete waste of my time.

this is what's important to you...
i don't care how important you think you are, how godlike you think you are, how intelligent you think you are...i'm not interested in helping you grow as a person or proving to you that hc as a lifestyle is worthwhile...the bottom line is, you beraded my girlfriend, someone i care about deeply, and i took it personally. braxley's not going to waste any more of her time on the comp speaking to you or trying to reason with you because you're not worth it. if you do anything similar to what you've already done again, you will answer to me...
and trust me, you don't want that.

shut your fucking mouth, keep your ideas to yourself and know your fucking role.



this was my response.....


Date: May 24, 2004 11:38 AM
Subject: RE: jez
Body: i'm going to answer to you now, and in person if you would like.
if you read the convo then you would be able to clearly see that i am in no way making any offense to her. i am merely trying to figure out what you guys stand for. it doesnt make sense to me... and i know that it probably never will. but i cannot help my... "not showing hesitance"... to express curiosity on the subject. if she feels defensive... and if you feel defensive for her, then that is uncalled for. if you'd like to put me in the hospital because of simple questions asked... then that speaks more of your character. i understand your reaction, mine would more than likely be the same. but reality is that knowing my role is what this is all about. if you think that you could clear it up a little then it would be greatly appreciated. if breaking my face is your way of clearing it up... fine. i wont hesitate to question anyone's lifestyle.

i'd also like to express an apology if i stepped on anyone's toes... it just seems that people who are so pasisonate about something would be more than happy to express it to others. why is everyone so mad?

and in all honesty... this all started with her gossiping to her "hc" highschool friends about me.
i wasnt mad about it, just trying to figure out where it comes from. she and i used to be good friends, its hard to imagine a reason why she would say shit to begin with.

sorry for careing.

-jez

i dont really expect many of you to fully comprehend each message sent between each of these responses, most of the time we never really say our true point because we know what the other is thinking, thats just how we communicate, but if you're interested then i'd like it if you were to take a very close look at both of our point of views and determine for yourself who is right and who is wrong. there is a right and a wrong... everyone is entitled to their opinion, but that doesnt mean everyone's opinion is right.



pretentious X: what do you beleive you represent to others?
X mnemoniclancet: What? I really don't care because I believe what I believe. Fuck other people, because their opinions don't mean a thing.
pretentious X: thats expected... i know you dont care, but if you had to guess, what would you assume you represent to other people?
X mnemoniclancet: I really don't know, I've never really thought about it, besides most people saying that I have a really awesome love for hardcore.
pretentious X: what does hardcore stand for to you?
X mnemoniclancet: It's a way of life. I've loved it since I was in the 9th grade. It's about respect for yourself, your friends, and your family. It's about standing up for what you believe. And, I've told you this already.
pretentious X: i know
pretentious X: do you beleive that at some point... everyone practices hypocrisy?
pretentious X: reguardless of the reasons why...
X mnemoniclancet: Yes, it's necessary.
pretentious X: is it?
X mnemoniclancet: Jez, I already know what you're getting at.
pretentious X: i dont care if you know waht i'm getting at, i want you to answer my questions
X mnemoniclancet: So, you don't have to go through this long ordeal of meandering some meaningless questionjs to me.
pretentious X: i want to know what you stand for braxley
pretentious X: is hypocrisy necessary ?
X mnemoniclancet: And I already told you. I love what I love. I love hardcore, it's my passion. And, many people don't understand it, and probably never will.
X mnemoniclancet: YES, it is. Without it, people wouldn't realize their faults. It helps people to get a deeper sense of how ironic and blatant they are, and most of them never even realize it.
pretentious X: is there anything more to understand other than It's a way of life, respect for yourself, your friends, your family, It's about standing up for what you believe.
pretentious X: what if i beleive that gaining self confidence on a scene is a crock of shit?
pretentious X: does that count?
X mnemoniclancet: No, but you seem to think that there is. You asked me, so I told you, and then you asked again.. so I told you again.
X mnemoniclancet: This has nothing to do with a scene.
pretentious X: hardcore is a scene
pretentious X: just as christianity is a scene
X mnemoniclancet: Yes, it is, and that's because it's been one since the 80's.
pretentious X: or the fucking pga tour is a scene
X mnemoniclancet: Everything is a "scene"

pretentious X: ok
pretentious X: what i'm not comprehend is....
X mnemoniclancet: So what is your point? I'm not gaining any type of self confidence on a scene
X mnemoniclancet: It's something I've always loved, before I even knew about a scene.
pretentious X: you dont have to prove to me how hardcore you are
pretentious X: i honestly dont give a fuck
pretentious X: now let me type out my shit
X mnemoniclancet: I know I don't. I never have, and I don't care.
pretentious X: thats so crazy
pretentious X: i cant even type out what i want to say because you keep bombarding me with contradictions to which i feel i MUST respond
X mnemoniclancet: This isn't about you. MY beliefs aren't about anyone else, so why would you think I would care?
X mnemoniclancet: It's a conversation.
pretentious X: why would i think you care... because you loving it for so long has absolutely nothing to do with anything
pretentious X: why do you keep telling me?
X mnemoniclancet: Because you're asking, simply put. I'm not proving anything, it's called a reply.
pretentious X: its an uncalled for reply that has nothing to do with my questions
X mnemoniclancet: No, it's not uncalled for. It's what I stand for.
pretentious X: so you stand for making it known how long you've loved it
pretentious X: ?
X mnemoniclancet: No. I stand for it because of it's morals, of the values, of the respect I've gained for myself... over time. That's why it's important. I've learned a lot through hardcore.
pretentious X: you claimed that your "uncalled" for answer was what you stood for
pretentious X: i think you're mixing the two
X mnemoniclancet: This is really hilarious. You've always known how I've felt about hardcore, and I don't know what is bringing this on, but it's a waste of my time. Like I said, I can't explain it to someone who will never understand
pretentious X: defense mechanism
pretentious X: so you cant stand up for it now?
pretentious X: i can fucking comprehend anything you say braxley
pretentious X: stand up for hardcore
pretentious X: stand up for yourself
pretentious X: go ahead
X mnemoniclancet: No. I already did. Now, there's just no point, because I already told you. You don't need a timeline, you don't need personal stories. If you comprehend, then stop hindering towards what you already know.
pretentious X: i want you to express what you think you know
X mnemoniclancet: What I think I know?
X mnemoniclancet: :-)
pretentious X: and still no answer
X mnemoniclancet: Of course.
X mnemoniclancet: Did you read what I just sent you?
pretentious X: did you read what I just sent you?
pretentious X: alright.. enough of the subliminal warfare, its getting me nowhere. i'm jsut going to get to the point.
pretentious X: it seems... now correct me if i'm wrong, that hardcore is something that stands for not giving a fuck. along with many other things... correct?
X mnemoniclancet: I don't have time to sit here and tell you that the first time I heard an Earth Crisis record I finally discovered that basic things I believed in could be filtered through so much emotion. I could sit here, and talk for hours about bands, and individuals who started beautiful movements in the 80's for what they believed in.
pretentious X: like that...
pretentious X: everything you just said has absolutely nothing to dow ith this
pretentious X: i'm asking for your interpretation
pretentious X: not how many bands you listened to
X mnemoniclancet: And no, that is not the main thing it stands for. You just get to that point when you're fed up with incessant bullshit, with various things
pretentious X: or which bands moved you
pretentious X: right...
pretentious X: well i'm fed up with superficiality
pretentious X: especially when its mixed with art
X mnemoniclancet: Good for you
pretentious X: i see all music as an art, hardcore as well... and i dont have to mention any bands to say that
pretentious X: it is thought expressed in a creative way
pretentious X: fuck the lifestyle
X mnemoniclancet: Ok. Well that's different. Hardcore isn't art to me, it's a way of life. That's why I mentioned that band. They revolutionized and paved the way for this bullshit that is being respected now.
pretentious X: understood
X mnemoniclancet: Well, I really would love to keep talking, seriously.
pretentious X: just understand that i dont see it as a lifestyle, infact... i hate the "hardcore" lifestyle. its completely superficial and not christ like at all
X mnemoniclancet: Okay.
X mnemoniclancet: Well, you believe what you believe.
pretentious X: and braxley... i can relate if it comes to not giving a fuck, but when it comes to saying someone isnt hardcore enoguh, or fails at attempting to be hardcore.... thats just so face value it hurts. i dont understand how someone of your intelligence can be so highschool. fuck it... now i support those nu metal kids, i dont care if they arent core enough for the rest of you, they love the music just as much... and half the bands out there would completely disagree with your lifestyle as well
pretentious X: fuck being judgemental
pretentious X: fuck being superficial
pretentious X: all that matters is the music
pretentious X: and fuck the lifestyle along with it
X mnemoniclancet: What the fuck is your problem? I don't care about those kids, I don't give a fuck about anyone who thinks that I'm running some kind of bullshit story when I talk about hardcore. I know what I believe. And, I don't walk around saying people aren't "hardcore" enough. It's a way of life, it's not something you can just pin on someone.
pretentious X: if you dont like my response then keep the impressions you give at a minimum... or you could be ohh so hardcore about it and say "fuck you it doesnt matter" and click the fucking X
X mnemoniclancet: Ha.
X mnemoniclancet: No, I'm not even mad.
pretentious X: i am
X mnemoniclancet: Well good for you
pretentious X: its not a good thing at all
X mnemoniclancet: Ok.
pretentious X: i'm dissappointed
X mnemoniclancet: like always.
pretentious X: how can i not be... look at my fucking surroundings...
X mnemoniclancet: I've got to go eat and watch my Madball DVD.
pretentious X: alright
pretentious X: bye
X mnemoniclancet: bye

X mnemoniclancet signed off at 6:26:48 PM.

hmm..
lots has happened in the past week. i stopped talking to christine.
atreyu/fata wasnt THAT great... i'm starting to reconsider if it was worth pawning the keyboard.
i saw by the end of tonight twice this weekend.
and i'm going to see them again at the harbour in baytown on thursday.
i got their cd last night.
it is a 73 minuete long orgasim.

girls are so see through that i can see how fucking random and unpredictable they are.

that might sound like an oxy moron, but i swear to GOD its true!

all i'm interested in now is finding someone ... a friend i suppose .... who is tolerable. now that i think about it that might be harder to come by than a girl who wants to commit. why are things so much more difficult for people who think. it should be more complicated for the dumb asses. its because all my surroundings are fucked up and only i can see how fucked up they are... sometimes i wish i could put the blindfold back on. but then the fear strikes me as being as blind as everyone else.

this girl was talking to me last night... actually a group of them were.. the convo went something like this...

jez- why did you come over here to talk to me?
girl- because you look all lonely with your arms like that just standing by yourself.
jez- i'm fine, its just i'm not that social.
girl- ohh so do you want us to leave?
jez- no you guys are tolerable for now.
girls & jez ~smiles~

later on in a different convo....

girl- boys are so complicating, why wont he just leave me alone.
girl- and his friends.. i feel so out of place.
jez- well i'm a boy, maybe you should leave.
girl- no you're tolerable.
jez & girl ~smile~

she is smart. i like her. but she has things all fucked up and way too complicated for me to be envolved in.
fucking complications... i swear they get me every time!

why does everyone live atleast half an hour from me!?!

i hate parties... it seems that everyone i speak to was at three different parties this weekend.
parties encourage stupidity. and for the people that do think... why are you entertained by other people's stupidity?
there might be other factors... such as spending time with someone, seeing old friends, etc. its just in my opinion that its not worth it. i hate being invited to them... its like they expect me to say yes or something. yes. gay.

my friend tisha was being so mean to me last night.
it felt wonderful.
so between me and my core group of friends, there is this thing with me and bigfoot.
i swear to GOD my cousin got attacked by bigfoot. and everyone thinks its a joke.
so now everytime i go to tisha's house she's like...
"omg jez you would not beleive what happened to me today!"
and i'm like what?
and she's like... "i got attacked by big foot!"

ya everyone laughs at me. it all started when i made them watch a documentery (sick. i know i didnt spell that right.) about big foot.. or the "boggy creek monster" boggy creek is in northern louisianna, texarkana, little rock arkansas, that whole area...

i'm in the music making mood but justin wont get up out of bed. he got a mixer. my vocal effects are blazin like omg for serious!
:-)

will someone be my friend and not suck ass at the same time?
wow.. that was a stupid question for sure.
bye.

the show sucked. i dont even like throwdown..
by the end of tonight was awesome. seriously. i have so much respect for them... ten times more than any of the other bands i've seen recently.

christine and i had argued earlier during the day, but i think we're ok now.

christina got hurt, said her nose was bleeding.. i hope you're ok.

felt a little awkward tonight. i realized an insecurity that i didnt think i had. i hope i can fix it.

-vanilla wafers and root beer-

night.

kiyoshi

Date: May 14, 2004 12:32 AM
Subject: RE: RE: boys who are prettier than you

Body: you don't get to consider yourself vain until you get plastic surgery and pluck your own eyebrows

only then have you entered the questionably homosexual yet highly attractive state of pretty boy god-dom

paaaa ha ha ha.
i hate liking girls for who they are, its annoying
i hate girls who cant sit down and shut the fuck up and listen to a cd in silence

la la la, sometimes i want to shove my cock down their throat and say "what do you think about that? oh, thats right, you cant think because my dick is in your brain"

jesus, whats wrong with women
just listen to the moving units and the cure and maybe some daft punk and just chill the fuck out and stop talking

and "i think you're pretty" blah blah blah, they only think i/you/anyone is pretty because they dont have as much self confidence as said individual

and we have tons because we rule
right?

why didnt god make me gay, jesus my life would be really easy if i were

so i'm sitting here at school, just got done taking my human relations final. i dont know if anyone has ever heard of tandum testing? its where more than one person puts their name on the test and everyone participates in taking the same one and everyone gets the same grade.... lame. but yes. so i get stuck with these two weed smoking, last name tattoed, ebonic speaking girls who are 24, 25ish. they look at me and dont want to listen to a word i say. at the end of the test it asks you to write an essay... the dumbasses make a fucking outline then turn it in without the essay. this is ridiculous. i think i'll have to file a complaint with my counselor.
i need a job.

today i had to wake up at 9... again. christine was supposed to call me so i could wake up to her voice instead of my grandfather yelling "get up jez" as i toss and turn between the purple flowered bed sheets. but she proved her reliability once again.
right now i'm having this amazingly humorous convorsation with the girl who was supposed to give me that car....

LiquidHeroine: hey sexy
pretentious X: fuck off
LiquidHeroine: cum help me
pretentious X: shut the fuck up and die
LiquidHeroine: cum help me
pretentious X: fuck you
LiquidHeroine: i said ok...
LiquidHeroine: how many times do i have to say it....
pretentious X: i'd rather cut my dick off then stick it in your slutty ass
LiquidHeroine: well im sure that would get me off...
LiquidHeroine: how 'bout you?
pretentious X: good bye
LiquidHeroine: wait...
pretentious X: what?
LiquidHeroine: i ....
LiquidHeroine: love you....
pretentious X: you're pathetic
LiquidHeroine: no...
LiquidHeroine: please
LiquidHeroine: im serious
pretentious X: i'm serious too
pretentious X: you are literally pathetic
pretentious X: and if you are tellking the truth
LiquidHeroine: why do you say that?
pretentious X: and if you really do love me
pretentious X: then i hate you for loving me
pretentious X: leave me alone
pretentious X: i dont want anything to do with you
LiquidHeroine: please... dont say that
pretentious X: fuck off
LiquidHeroine: what did you think i was doing?
pretentious X: i dont care what you were doing
pretentious X: you have lead me on way to many times
LiquidHeroine: i just want you to help me...
pretentious X: you're not worth helping
LiquidHeroine: how would you know ?
pretentious X: your actions speak enough about your personal character for me to know that you're not worth anything
LiquidHeroine: haha
LiquidHeroine: you fucking loooooooooser
LiquidHeroine: i just gave you your only chance to ever get laid
LiquidHeroine: me being a slut is better than you being a virgin
LiquidHeroine: who's pathetic now...?
pretentious X: you
pretentious X: still
pretentious X: your words are repulsive
LiquidHeroine: thats because your too stupid to understand
LiquidHeroine: grow up
LiquidHeroine: your better than NOONE
pretentious X: too stupid to understand that you're a slut and i am actually one of the few guys who care to not throw myself at anyone who wants me?
pretentious X: if that is stupidity then i'm glad to be fucking retarded
pretentious X: go get aids and die
LiquidHeroine: retarded and stupid are to different things....
pretentious X: two*
pretentious X: and i see them as the same
LiquidHeroine: i never said you had a mental disability
pretentious X: or wait
pretentious X: maybe you just do a good job at blending the two
LiquidHeroine: i just said that you were stupid
LiquidHeroine: then maybe you sre an idiot...?
LiquidHeroine: are*
pretentious X: you have officially made this pointless
pretentious X: you have no arguement left
pretentious X: therefore you get the block
pretentious X: good bye
LiquidHeroine: no block!
LiquidHeroine signed off at 1:50:03 PM.

i've never had to block anyone before... usually i can get rid of people by just being an asshole... if it says she signed off is that just because i blocked her or did she really signed off? whatever.
then i got this message from her friend.....

true9incher: hey bro i was just fucking with you it wasnt really courtney
true9incher: i was just on her screen name
true9incher: she wants me to ask you not to block her
pretentious X: your assumption that i'm stupid enough to listen to someone who calls himself a 9incher is degrading, obnoxious, and disrespectful... for this you get the block as well.

i assume it didnt tell me that he signed off because he's not on my buddy list.

christine..... phone. please. :-(

so this guy from baytown started argueing with me about how presentation of a band is just as important as the music. he literally crippled my hope for any intelligent life east of where i live.

he argued that him wearing girl jeans and jumping up and down on stage will help his band.
of course it will help his band... especially since he's playing his music for a bunch of fucking mindless drones.

i'd rather have 5 real fans who comprehend my message then 5000 followers who think a show is a fucking social event.

this is the reason why i dont attend.
this is the reason i have so much hate.
this is the reason i think most of you are fucking pathetic.

true artists dont make music for their fans...
they make music for themselves.
and true fans aknowledge this... and love it not because they can relate.. but because they have a most high respect for the ability of the band to create vision and articulate expression in such a beautiful way.
anyone can scream in a fucking microphone.
anyone could say a sentence and claim its poetic... and i could easily find a way to make their sentence relate to my life.
but it takes talent to force their vision into my head.. and make me feel as they feel.
ohh.. guns/knives/murder/killing/fighting/dieing.... fuck all of it. its all so overrated and so fucking cliche. how many times can a writer commit plagerism before one of you dumb fucks realize your entire "scene core" is merely a carbon copy of one another.
dammit i hate this shit.
i wish i could find people who arent infected with this.


this is also the reason why i have a growing hatred for one person in particular.
he represents everything i am against.
"i'm so core, i wear girl jeans, i have a lip ring, i try to be buddy-buddy with every single fucking girl in the entire fucking state because i really get none, but talking to them helps my self esteem and if they flirt back then i get off on it and become addicted to fucking words on a screen because... well because thats the only fucking reason i have to live... to soak up compliments from others so i can feel better about myself."

fuck you josh.
i hate you.
i swear to God if i ever see you in person again i wont say a word, i'll walk strait up to you and hit you in the face. i dont care what any of your mindless followers think. i dont care if it makes me the bad person. i dont care if it makes me wrong. if standing up for whats right makes me wrong then this world has all gone to hell anyways.
and if you have a bunch of your friends behind you... dont think you wont get hit... i would die for the chance to have your blood on my hands. i dont care if i get my ass beat and get sent to the hospital.. you better hope to God it is not at a show. because if it is, and the music is playing, none of your friends will stop me. and you will honestly want to die.



i think i drank too much coffee.

i'm at school.
decided to start writing in this thing again.

ever wonder why some people claim some things but then they dont act as if someone would act if they really had anything to do with the things they claimed?

is it me just having expectations?

since i'm so fucking full of myself i would think not... true, expectations are alive in this, but without them i'd be getting run over and thrown around like a rag doll.

help!

myspace.com mother fuckers.... CVglycerineguy03@hotmail.com

ok so i got rid of christy.. finally. so now i'm single no for real single.. i swear! everyone please sex on me at once!! TAT THAT MEANS YOU!!!

sry... quote again.. "she kept it to herself" there. with that sentence i would hope that someone would be able to catch on.

alright illiterate fucks... if you carefully re-read my last post you should be able to catch on to the fact that I AM NOT THE ONE WHO IS NOT SAYING ANYTHING... and i quote.. "well she didnt." so dont tell me i should speak up.. agree with me that she should. damn.

fuck dude, this is the 3rd time in a row christy has stood me up.... question for everyone... if you have a problem with your significant other, like maybe they did something to hurt your feelings or make you mad or just something that doesnt sit right with you... would you keep it to yourself for the sake of saving the two of you from an arguement, or would you present the problem to the other person *when it happens* in hopes of talking it out and getting it fixed? she kept it to herself, then was a bitch to me the next day because of it... and i didnt know why she was so upset, now she tells me it was from the day before over not getting offline to talk to her on the phone. so she said she was going to come see me and its been like 4 hours. ewwww... i'm choking on 10lbs of bullshit in a 5lb bag. i considering cutting her off for good. someone pray for me.

remodeling the house and cut my freekin phone line :-(. so now i have to spend the night at my grandmothers just to get on, oh so homosexual. anyways... jaime's ska band plays at fuel on the 24th, if you can then go see her, i'll be there.
holy makrele... afi, a static lullaby, and coheed in oklahoma 24th of feb $20!!!! am going.
what good are sleeping pills if they dont make you sleep.

i used to think
that i would
take on scars
left by your hands
for your pills
but the your medicine it always wears off.
**leaving me staind, crippled, as a war stricken veteran**
oh ya, new pics, check ftj for them... rayzrblade_

its been awhile... i'm at justins, being bored. hmm. i recently purshased the bright eyes cd. although it took me awhile to get used to all the country influences.. conor oberst is indeed beautiful. one of the best writers i have come across in a very long time.
i have a headache... there is nothing to do, its hot in here, and now i'm leaving.
good bye

yes... i was up until 4 last night talking religion with eva.. FingerdByGod @ ftj... ya, it was interesting. in any case i had to sleep on the floor, because all my cousins and brothers are here and they went to bed before i got offline.. and there was nowhere to sleep. so i had a blanket, some shower towels for pillows, and the floor. i slept until 11 theni had to get up because everyone keeps it so damn bright in this house. took a shower.. got back online to continue wasting my life away online as much as i can while i'm still out of school for christmas.

so ya.. i just got back from the dentist and the entire left side of my mouth is numb. my grandma just made pound cake but i cannot eat any because i might bite my tounge :-(
this sucs very badly, someone please help.